Weekly Expressions # 24 Joe

It's simple. We are creations of a more complex being, one who's existence is one that has never been seen by mortal man. Instead, the creator hovers over us. Watching, waiting, even protecting us from unseen evils that lurk in the shadows. Those that are inside us, an internal monstrosity. They're the ones we must fear most, for they yearn for the possession of our souls. Guard your heart, young one. The weeping hearts who've fallen under their command, they beg you to heed these words of mine. Keep them handy. - The Wandering Prophet of Lyguria

My life has always been centered around this one quote. I'm unsure of how to tell you this, but I am an example. An example of why those words were so important, which when you hear it, your very being will understand my reason for staying strong to this principle. I was minding my own business. There. Now isn't that a perfect start to the story? Yeah, I know. Not much to go on, but just wait. So anyway, I was minding my own business, in fact I was running. I usually try to keep in shape, so I thought, "Hey. Can't be too bad out. This'll be a good day for a run", I thought blandly. I say blandly, 'cause I consider bland to be a generic way of thinking. Well, I got a sweat suit on, and went for a run. Little did I know, but this day was different than most.

Out there, I ran with expert ease. No stopping me now, my speed was at an exhilarating point. Not bad for three paragraphs in, huh? I'm practically breaking record strides, moving ever more forward, as the wind rushed past my face. Suddenly the earth shook. It was only for a second, so there wasn't any real danger....at least that's what I thought. I ran faster then, attempting to gain more momentum with every lunge. Then it came. I don't know from where, or how it was possible. All I know was that it was more of an it, and not an explanation available was there to describe the "thing", either. Up from the ground it emerged, a shadowy figure, as if to define itself without my help. Rearing it's head, if you want to say it had a "head", it looked at me. Empty. An empty-headed, cloaked, boot-wearing creature of evil.

"Oh my! I'm soooo scared! Somebody get me a doctor, I'm beginning to feel faint", I ended on a sarcastic note. The creature then let forth a loud shriek sound. The shriek was so piercing, blood ran out of my ears, and onto my sweat suit. I was cupping my ears in pain, running away. I looked all around me, checking for any spots to hide.

Wow, fourth paragraph already? Dang, these sections are long. Where was I even? You have to admit that first part was pretty cool. Quoting that dead guy, you know, THE dead guy. Oh yes, I was running around looking for a hiding spot, sorry! I was searching the perimeter of the grounds where I was running, when I came upon a sturdy-looking building. Thinking it was safe to sanctuary, I carried on, my waywaRD SOOONNN!!!!! Okay, but I was going up the steps. With each step, it got me closer to the door that would protect me from the evil approaching. I turned, and as luck would have it, the creature was gone. It was gone, gone, gone! She been gone so long! I wonder if I'm ever gonna see my girl! What is with me tonight?

Just then, the character trying to tell the story about a darkness coming, broke from his story. In fact, the guy had no idea where the story's plot was going, or why the author made up a fake quote at the start. In a perfect break of the fourth wall, he ripped himself out of the horrible clutches of the story, and grabbed the writer by the throat. "Listen here, screw head!", said the character. "I want you to end this story nicely, I mean it! Get on one more tangent with my character, and I'll bloody your ears! Now get to work, then go to bed, you primitive!" And with that, the tired writer brought his creation back into the story.

The disgusting shadow chased me still, until I found the door. And then I.....@T%$%Y$%^Y%YHEH%&I^!%@%#$&*%&($RDGH@#$%!^.................we interrupt this important story to say, "We don't know exactly where to go from here. We were originally going for dark and brooding, yet spiritually inclined toward the more home-schooled audiences reading. In conclusion, we would like to address this important factor. The character dies by falling of the building into a large vat of JELL-O, where he's greeted by the munchkins from The Wizard of OZ. In that moment, a giant comes crashing down on them all, which crushes the shadow creature, too. Thus making our story less silly, more dignified, than even the writer expected. But it doe..", a large pie flies into the face of the announcer.