Week 19

Author's Note: I'm sorry this was my first time, so I don't have the pic, but this is my attempt. Critique away.

Why can't I wake up? Will I wake up? How long do I have to stay here?

As I sat in the tall grass, surrounded by the beautiful pine trees, I impatiently waited to become conscious. This was where unconscious must stay.

As I looked around while thoughts rushed through my mind, Gatalia approached, as she stepping out of a brook.

“You're thinking of them, aren't you?” she said.

“What if it doesn't matter?”

“You worry too much.”

“Oh wouldn't you worry yourself, Miss High and Mighty, if you were unconscious? Why must I wait here?”

“I told you before, this is the place of rest God provides to those who are waiting to go to eternity, in these circumstances. He provides this place to His children who will not go to Hell.”

“But why I am I not in Heaven?” I snapped. It's not that I wanted to be in Heaven just yet, but I was getting impatient.

“He only provides this place to those He knows will continue to live, because they are not ready for Heaven, yet.”

“I am so fortunate!” I sarcastically exclaimed. She frowned, and I shrugged.

“But this is a good sign.” She put her arm on my shoulder. “This means that you have much left to do, and there are so many good things yet to happen.” I turned my back toward her. “They will come, and you will see.”

“What do you see down there?” I whispered.

“I see a doctor, and a few other people. A mother? Somebody is looking out the window. They're waiting for you. They want you there with them.”

Then she changed her tone. “Why must you torture yourself by waiting?”

“You don't understand. How could you?”

“Do I have to?”

“There's only one thing that could make me want to wake up,” I hesitated. “And I'll only wake up for that.”

“Why?”

“Because without it, this life ain't worth it!” I turned. I was so exasperated, as I stared at her. She just kept calm, and stared into my eyes. Stared into my heart. Stared into my soul. “Stop looking at me! What do you see?”

“Forgive me,” she hesitated. “I see truth.”

On earth, I had been born as nothing. That's what I was told by my man. Nothing. No one loved me. Love did not exist. Love was something invented by the clergy. God supposedly loved them, and that gave them an excuse to look down on others, who weren't worthy to be “loved.”

“The only thing people can do is mind somebody. And I mind you. I'm the only one who cares, Seventy.”

My man had named me for where he found me: 70 Wilson Avenue.

He always told me, “Remember girl, you don't got smarts and you don't got looks. But you got something more. Something that men will pay a pretty penny for. And they'll give you something in return. Stick with me, Seventy, and I'll make sure that you get it.”

The girls used to sing in the alleys:

Where the wind blows,

In the dark of the night,

You can find a place

Safe and tight.

They may squeeze the young and they'll hold the used tight

So just give them what they want or they'll give you a fright.

I used to walk around town, to see the pretty girls. But my man didn't like it. He told me that it was better for me not to look at the betters. It's better for me not to know what I'm missing. So I went on for years, staying where I was safe from being found by anybody.

One day, I took the courage to go to a parade. I sneaked out with one of the younger ones, Eighteen.

I held onto her hand tight, as we made our way past all of the people. We pushed by adults to get a good view.

Elephants passed by, wearing feathered hats. A dancing bear passed, with a girl riding on top of it's back. Then the clowns came by. Some did tricks, some danced, one ate fire.

Then one passed by with a sad face painted on. He drooped as he walked with a limp. A boy threw a tomato at him, causing him to fall right in-front of me. I quickly helped him up.

“Thank you, young lady. It's nice to know that somebody has good manners in this town.” He turned and stuck his tongue out at the boy, who'd thrown the tomato. Then turning back to me he asked, “Coming to the show today?” As I looked closely at his face, I could see he was really smiling behind the painted frown.

“No,” I said. “I can't afford it.”

“Well, today just happens to be your lucky day! I'm the discount giver and I absolutely love to reward kindness!” And with that, he hoisted me onto his shoulders. He certainly was strong. I looked back at Eighteen, and motioned to her to go back to the alley.

As we walked, we eventually got to a circus ground. All sorts of performers and costumed creatures walked around, greeting each other, slapping each other on the back, and laughing.

The clown took me down off of his shoulders. He led me into a tent, drawing back the curtain.

“Taffy!” the clown yelled. A lady in her undergarments, with her back facing towards us, shrieked and grabbed her robe. “Keep your shirt off, it's just me,” he said.

She turned and gave a sigh of relief, but kept her robe on. “Oh Bonzo, I was afraid it was the Waddles.” The noticing me, she said, “But I'd still prefer that strangers not see me in my corset. Hello, who are you?”

“My name's Seventy,” I said.

“And what are you doing here?” she asked.

“She helped me up, when I fell during the parade today. Thought it might be nice to return the favor, with a free pass,” Bonzo told her, giving her a wink. “Couldn't hurt.” Then to me, he said, “Seventy, this is Taffy. She's my wife. She's one of the trapeze girls.”

“It's a pleasure to meet you, Seventy,” she said while reaching to shake my hand. “Are you from around here, or are your parents traveling with you?”

“Haven't seen my mom in ages,” I said bluntly.

“Oh, I'm sorry. It's been awhile since I've seen mine as well. So where do you live?”

“With my man.”

“Your man?”

“He decides where I sleep at night.”

“I see. Is he some sort of traveling salesmen.”

“Taffy, don't be a busy body,” said Bonzo, as he slipped his arm around her waist.

“I was just curious!”

“You might say that,” I said. “He does travel, and he does sell what he has to offer.”

“Is he a relative?”

“No.”

“So where are you staying tonight?”

“I don't know,” I said. “He hasn't told me yet. I stay with a different man each night.”

“I thought we were talking about just one man,” Bonzo said curiously.

“There is. But I don't stay with him. He takes me to a different one every night.”

There was an awkward moment of silence, and then Taffy's eyes grew wide. “Why she a - ”

“Yes,” Bonzo said, as he put his hand on Taffy's shoulder.

“Why she's doing -”

“She's not doing anything that you don't do with me at night,” Bonzo said, bobbing his eyes up and down. Taffy smacked his arm. “Ow!”

“But I don't get paid,” she said sadly.

“Are you saying you want money? Ow!” she smacked him again. This time in the stomach.

“I'm not that young.” She looked straight into my eyes and asked, “How old are you?”

“I don't know,” I said. Bonzo and Taffy exchanged looks.

“Um, can you wait outside for just a minute, Seventy?” Bonzo asked.

“Sure.” I waited outside, as I listened to their hushed voices discussing something. Then after five minutes, they stepped outside of the tent.

“Seventy, how would you like to stay here for the next week, while we're in town?” Bonzo asked. “It'll give you a chance to get a vacation, and we can show you around.”

I looked at them, as they both smiled. “Sure. Sounds like fun.”

“Okay. We have to get ready now, but I'm sure if you stay by the elephants, you'll have a fun treat. If anybody gives you a hard time, you can just say that we sent you.”

“Okay,” I smiled.

For the next three days, I lived in paradise. Bonzo introduced me to all the rest of the clowns, and I got to watch Taffy rehearse on the trapezes. She was wonderful. She'd soar through the air so gracefully, like she was flying.

Then, one day, Taffy had me climb the ladder to the perch. “I want to teach you how to fly,” she said, with a twinkle in her eye.

Looking down, I said, “I don't think I can do it.”

She laughed. “Oh, trust me, Honey. That's exactly what I used to think, myself. But there's nothing like feeling the wind breeze by, as you soar over a world fully a hundred feet beneath you.”

I looked down again. “Whatever you say.”

As we continued to climb, I noticed how the ground continued to get further away.

When we finally reached the top, Taffy immediately reached for the trapeze and swung across to the perch on the opposite side. Then she came back across, this time doing a flip as she reached for the middle bar. With one effortless sweep to the perch, she landed. “Your turn,” she said, holding the trapeze out to me.

“No! I can't!”

“Oh, yes you can. It's simple. You don't even have to do anything fancy. Just take the bar.”

Hesitatingly, I took the bar, noticing for the first time how thin the string looked. “I promise, it's sturdy,” said Taffy, reading my mind.

I held my breath, leaned back, and then let my feet go. I was soaring. I could feel the wind. It selt so good, as I felt my hair flow through the air. But my eyes were closed. I couldn't bear to look at anything. “You're doing it!” Taffy yelled.

“Atta girl, Seventy!” I heard a voice yell from below. It sounded like Bonzo.

Open your eyes!” cried Taffy.

I opened my eyes. I saw Taffy waving and smiling. I looked down, and forgot everything. My hands slipped. I was falling. Taffy screamed. “Quick Bonzo, do something!” she shrieked.

Plop. I heard a noise that sounded distant. I couldn't move. I couldn't open my eyes. I heard people talking. They sounded so far away.

When I woke up, I was in the wooded field, with Gatalia, who took care of me ever since.

“What's keeping you here?” she asked.

“I don't know. I guess I'm just tired....of being disappointed. I know what's waiting for me. My man will find me. I can't stay with Bonzo and Taffy forever. They have to move on, just like everyone else.”

“You don't know that. Listen.”

We both sat still and heard voices. “Seventy?” It was Bonzo. “Seventy, it's us, Honey. Look, we want you to stay with us. We want you to come out so we can live together. We'll show you the world, teach you how to dance with the elephants, and be a family – a real one.”

“You're more than a number. You're our girl.” Taffy sounded like she was crying. “Please come out, Seventy. Please?”

“Why don't you join them?” asked Gatalia.

“Seventy,” Bonzo pleaded.

“Anastasia,” I said.

“What?” they both exclaimed.

“Anastasia,” I opened my eyes. “It's what my mother used to call me. She was a foreign lady. They both hugged me hard. “Why are you both dressed in black?”

“These are the only normal clothes we have,” Bonzo said. “Last time we wore them was for a funeral. Ow!” Taffy smacked his stomach.

“Welcome back, Honey,” she said, as she hugged me again.

 “Welcome back,” Bonzo smiled. “Anastasia.”