Weekly Expressions BK

By Beka K.

I put the camera back inside its designated pouch and tucked it away in a pocket. Seeing my brother up there, in a state of triumph because he did what everyone believed to be impossible five years ago was a sight to capture forever. I placed my foot on the rock and began my climb up to the rock he stood on. There were too many rocks here. The view was truly magnificent up here. Something I couldn't pass up when Michael offered to bring me with him on his journey to conquer the words of others. As I grasped the rocks and kept climbing, I remembered back to that day five years ago when I got that horrible call. I was sitting my architecture class when the dean came in. Everyone was in a state of shock that our dean, who was always too busy for us personally, came to our class to call me of all people, out.  Immediately I was frozen. I followed him outside of class where he told me the news that my brother was in a horrible accident. Where was I to go after news like that? My brother lived in California and I attended school in Miami. I walked back to class in a ghostly state. I gathered my things and went back to my dorm room where I called my sister and didn’t hang up for three hours until the Doctors returned to my family in the waiting room with the news that my brother had come out of surgery. That was the only piece of good news we had. For the next four years, Michael struggled and struggled to overcome the obstacles of that accident. The mental and physical road blocks that now stood in his path of life.  Michael would forever be looked at as a below the knee amputee.  He lost most of his leg that day. But Michael since then has relearned to walk and created a new life for himself that not a single doctor five years ago would have dreamed for him. 

I stood by his side and took a deep breath. It was harder to breathe up here. I couldn't tell if it was from the altitude or the breath taking view.  Michael took a step forward. He was too close to the edge for my tastes. I thought I’d give him some time to think alone. The others were camped down a ways. I’d come to really enjoy this groups company. We had only been together for a week and were leaving in a day. I’d miss them…

“Carter, come here.” Michael called out to me. 

Our relationship had dramatically improved since his accident. Almost losing your brother would change that. But we still had our loose ends. It felt awkward to intrude on this personal moment of his. Was it just me who felt this weirdness between the two of us? Did he feel it as well? Did he want it fixed as much as I did? Perhaps now was a good a time as ever to…

One moment I was lost in thoughts and the next I felt the freezing wind against my face, the hard rock slamming into my knees, or where my knees slamming into the rocks? I couldn't think fast enough to stop what was happening. I felt myself roll over and into nothing. Suddenly I stopped and I could hear Michael grunt. I finally opened my eyes and saw what had happened. I somehow tripped and was now hanging off the side of an insanely steep cliff that if Michael lost his grip on my jacket, I would die.  My heart was racing and my breathing was uncontrollable. I started to panic and began flailing my arms to try and get a grip on the rock that Michael was laying on. It was then I realized the pain in my arm. It stung with pain with every movement. I glanced up to see Michael, nervously holding onto my jacket or backpack. I couldn't tell from this angle.

“You need to calm down.” Michael said above me.

I did what he said. Just like me, always taking orders from my older brother. I tried to get control on my breathing and remained as still as I could. I was only twenty eight years old. I hadn't even gotten married, heck; I didn't even have a girlfriend at the moment. My life revolved around work and my brother.

“Listen, Carter, I need you to give me your arm, now.” He said it calmly but with command that I didn’t dare do anything different. I tried to lift my arm but the pain was too much.

“I can’t.” I said pathetically.

“You can’t or you’re too afraid to?”

“Shut up, Michael! I can’t! I can’t! I can’t! Ok? I freaking broke my arm! So shut the heck up!” The panic and fear was showing itself again. Maybe I’d get lucky and adrenaline would kick in soon and I could move my arm without feeling any pain. I tried not to look down but it was inevitable. All there was around me was empty space for fifty feet down and a sloped rock beside me that I couldn’t get a grip on if I wanted to. And I did. I really did.

“Carter, quit acting like a child. Be a man and give me your arm!” He sounded just as panicked as I was now. “I can’t pull you up. I need your arm!” His voice was becoming more alarmed at the fact that I could slip out of his grasp and fall to my death. He’d have to go home and explain to mom how he was responsible for my death. The thought struck me as the worst thing ever for an older protective brother to have to face. He’d already been through quite enough.  To prove to him that I wasn’t a child, that I was a man, because sibling rivalry drove everything between us, I fought against every horrible pain that I felt and threw my arm up above me. I felt Michael catch my hand. He took a firm hold on my wrist and with his other hand let go of my backpack. This caused me to fall an inch or so. It put so much pressure on my hurt arm that I screamed out in pain.

“Now lift your other arm up to me!”

I felt my arm slip out of socket and I yelled again. I reached up my good arm and Michael was able to grab it and pull me up over the edge of the rock.

We both laid there for awhile on our backs, both of us breathing hard. I looked over at my brother and saw tears fall down the side of his face.

“Carter,” He started, still out of breath.

“Yea?” My voice felt raspy.

“Don’t ever do that again.”

I closed my eyes and smiled. I small chuckle escaped.

“I am serious, Cart, I can’t lose you, bro.”

“Yea, well now you know how I felt.”

I looked back over at him as he raised his arm up, fingers balled into a fist. I clenched my fingers together and fist bumped him. We both laughed.

“Let’s go home now.”

“Anything you say.”